Anything at all
by feel-likeflying
Summary: 'The tears were now silently making their way down her face and she hoped, unfortunately not for the first time, that she just wouldn't wake up in the morning.' Kate is struggling with depression after her mother has been murdered. Sometimes it helps her to write it all down in her notebook. That is until she loses it. Will she get it back? - College setting. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** Though I am aware that I should be updating my other story, this was just something that wouldn't let me go. It's much darker from what I usually write and I'm pretty excited about uploading it. T rated for now, considering M-rated for later. _Warning_: Contains cursing.

_Disclaimer_: I love them, don't own them unfortunately.

* * *

''It was that moment that I realized...

I fucked up.

Another low-grade, I'm really close to losing my scholar ship and my dream of becoming a lawyer.

I've always seen myself as a failure, someone who could do better, but won't succeed no matter how hard I try. And the pressure? Don't get me started. ''Of course you can do it, it's you!'' What if I can't? Will you still see me the same way? No, you won't. Because I'm not the person that you _thought_ I was. You shouldn't be thinking about things like that, you should _know _me. And I'm not sure if any of you really know me. I'm sick and tired of pretending to be someone I'm not.

I'm not smart, not above the average. I'm not pretty, I don't go noticed, but don't worry, I like it that way. I'm not sexy, at all. I'm just me.

I'm not enough. I'm never enough.

So why can't I just disappear? Make all the problems go away? Like a freaking cloud blocking out the sun. It's there for a while, but the next minute you'll look for it, but it's just gone. You can't recognize it anymore and you can't track back to where it was before. Why can't I be that cloud?

Friends? What's that? Oh, people who care about you? Nah, those all left too. Can you imagine actually caring for someone who is in trouble? Someone doesn't care if she wakes up the next day? That moment when you've actually reached the point of not caring. That's when it get's dangerous.

This sounds stupid really, but it makes so much sense in my head.

I'm not quit sure how long I can take this any more.

But then again, who cares?''

XXXXXXXXXX

She slammed the notebook shut and threw it on the ground next to her bed. Another night without sleep was on the agenda and she just couldn't help it but hope that it would be different today. At least her dad had come home without being drunk tonight and how sad as it may sound, she was pretty thankful for that fact.

She turned around, trying to find a spot in her bed that wasn't cold.

Groaning she collected the notebook once again and flipped it open on the first page. Maybe reading some of the older stuff would help her through the night. Those nights when she was still happy, when she could write about her first kiss or because of some boy she just met or simply because she had a nice day. Not trying to suppress her feelings because her mom had been stabbed in a dark alley.

She choked back a sob, even though it happened a couple of months ago, the whole thing was still fresh on her mind.

And she wasn't sure if she would ever 'get over it', like some people had told her to do. It was her mother after all.

The tears where now silently making their way down her face and she hoped, unfortunately not for the first time, that she just wouldn't wake up in the morning.

But she did wake up that morning, she should have gone back to campus the previous day, but it her dad had drunk uncontrollably the last few weeks. And she was slowly losing him. So instead of sulking around campus, she went back home in the weekend to check up on him. Or at least clean the house a bit, since he wasn't in any state to do anything.

He'd barely came out of the house any more, just moving himself to the bar a block away from their house and back home again. Jim Beckett had become an alcoholic and there was nothing Kate could do about it. Of course, they'd had their fights, but he never remembered them when he was sober anyway. She did.

After taking several buses and walking a couple of miles, she finally found herself near her destination. She would've taken the car, well, if it worked. It was still at the shop when she came home late Friday afternoon. Luckily, Kate didn't mind walking, it helped her clear her mind.

She walked by her regular coffee shop, just a block away from campus and made her way in. She recognized one of her classmates as the barista and she smiled at him. He didn't even look ashamed that he was doing it. Poor guy had the night shift again.

He handed her, her order and she made her way outside again. Lazily sipping on her coffee, Kate was slowly starting to wake up properly. Nothing like a bit of caffeine in the morning with a blue berry muffin as breakfast. She wasn't really hungry, so a small breakfast should do the trick.

Only two classes for today, one two-hour lecture and then a regular hour discussing how far everyone was on their group projects. She silently cursed herself as she realized that her laptop was still in her dorm room, she'd forgotten to take it with her before going home that weekend. Meaning, that she didn't have the assignment with her. Or finished. At all.

The people in her class only had a vague idea of what had happened, she just didn't talk when she didn't have to. She didn't have any real friend in college and she couldn't care any less. That coming from the person who takes everything personally. She chuckled to herself, why even bother?

She made her way over to the main entrance and walked a way too familiar route. Soon she was at the hall and people were making their way inside the room. She went for her familiar seat in the back of the room, not far enough to be invisible and not far enough for the professor to start whining that she wouldn't be able to hear him back there. You'd think the teachers in high school are bad, just wait till college.

She fished out a notepad from her bag and started taking notes. _Only two more hours_, she told herself as the professor started talking about famous murder cases. Yes, just what she needed. She sat back in her chair and waved a hand through her hair, hoping that the day would be over soon.

A long two hours later, she found herself outside again, on her way to her dorm. She was kind of friends with her roommate. At least she knew when to shut up when Kate wanted to be alone and she appreciated that. She'd asked if Kate wanted to come to a party with her several months ago but Kate had turned her down. After a couple of times, she'd just stopped asking.

She let herself fall on her bed, finally getting some decent rest. She checked her phone and set the alarm for three o'clock, just in time for her next class. Even before she had her phone secured on her nightstand, she'd fallen in a blissful sleep without any nightmares interrupting her.

XXXXXXXXXX

He made his way over to the back rows, where it was crowded, as usual. Even though he wasn't really looking for any social contact at the moment, he saw some people that he needed to talk with and decided that he should just suck it up and get it over. He let himself fall in the chair as he greeted a couple of guys in the row behind him.

Rick dropped his backpack on the floor and threw his coat on the empty chair next to him. It was only then he noticed the dark red notebook lying on the floor. He looked around, but no one seemed to be looking for it, or was close enough to could have dropped it right then. He picked it up and checked the first page for a name. Nothing there, too bad. He was going to leave it right there, he was going to, really. But then he started reading the first page.

He realized quick enough that this book meant something real to someone and he wanted to give it back to this person. The professor entered the room and the class went silent. Rick closed the book and put it in his backpack.

He grabbed the coffee cup from the corner of his small desk and took a gulp, since one does not simply survive a class by Smith without any caffeine. Even though he was paying attention, he couldn't help it but wonder whose notebook it was. He'd always liked a good mystery.

XXXXXXXXXX

After she'd barely made it on time to her project group, Kate was done for the day. She decided to get some groceries at a local store and picked up her pizza on her way home.

She dropped her bags next to her bed and let herself fall on the covers, setting the pizza down next to her. Making herself comfortable, she opened the box, letting the delicious smell fill her nostrils. It was only then her roommate turned around and was surprised to see Kate there. She removed her headphones and set back in her chair.

''You got pizza? Without me? You're a horrible person Kate Beckett.''

''Don't I know it.'' Kate replied, sticking a slice in her mouth.

''I have a coke, trade for a slice?''

''Only for you Maddie.''

''Alright!'' Madison threw the can Kate's way, who was only just be able to catch it, and then quickly made her way over to Kate, sitting down next to her and taking a slice out of the box. ''So anything new happening with you?''

''Nah, still the same boring me.'' She mumbled. ''How about you? Did you get that Sean guy?''

''Do you even know me?'' Madison said between bites. ''Of course I hooked up with Sean. Have you seen his abs?''

''No Madison, I haven't.'' She said laughing.

''Well, anyway, there's a party tonight at James house a couple of blocks from here. You coming with me? A little girls gone wild tonight?''

''I think I'll stay in, but thanks.''

''Okay, I'll see you tonight.'' Maddie gave Kate a quick hug and then proceeded to grab her things, before locking the door behind her and leaving Kate alone in the room. Kate quietly finished the rest of the pizza, not bothering to put any music on.

She lifted her bag from the floor, putting it down next to her, in search for her notebook. But it wasn't there. She started pulling out all objects out of the bag, but without success. The notebook was gone. _Fuck_.

XXXXXXXXXX

''Hey Rodgers, you coming?'' Rick looked up to find his roommate staring at him immediately hid the notebook under a nearby pillow.

''Nah sorry, I have some things that I need to do.''

''It's a shame, James is throwing a party.'' He waited in the door frame for a couple of seconds before he realized that he wasn't going to get Rick out of his room. It was the glare that did it. ''Alright, see you later bro.''

Rick hummed and waited for Mark to leave the room. He then proceeded to reach for the notebook from under his pillow, searching for the page he'd left off earlier before he got interrupted by his roommate.

Living on campus was great, really, but privacy was something that was rare. He'd never cared about it actually, he wasn't that private person... that people were aware of. His image always got the best of him and he wasn't quite sure there was actually someone out that knew him.

Pushing the thoughts away, he started reading again.

He'd come across some poems, about being heartbroken. Maybe a bad break-up? And there were some other letters to several people, mostly why this person liked them and what they meant to this person.

The person writing had to be a girl, that he was sure of. The font gave it away, she didn't just use dot's on top of the i, instead she used a small circle to finish it off, making her own style.

He smiled and turned the page, hoping to find another, well, beautiful poem. Whoever wrote this, certainly put much thought into it. Maybe it was just to blow of steam, or maybe it was just because she liked it. It wasn't until he read the more recent works, he knew it was recent, because she had written the date on the corner of the page.

Murder. Dark nights. Nightmares. Sleepless nights.

He had to swallow. Something horrible must have happened to her.

_But then again, who cares?_

He read the sentence again and he realized that he cared. Even though he didn't know this woman, he needed to help her. More determined than before, he started at the beginning of the notebook again, hoping that he'd overlooked a clue that might lead him to her.

XXXXXXXXXX

While he had several classes for Tuesday he was happy to find some distraction in the notebook he was holding securely in his hand. He'd decided to skip all classes, simply because he knew they wouldn't be of use and... he wanted to find out who the owner of the little red book was.

After a quick stop at the coffee shop, Rick made his way over to the park. He found an empty bench near the lake and settled down. It was nice weather today and he'd decided to leave his coat at home, his sweater would do for now. He took in his surroundings and fished the book out of his pocket and continued reading.

He saw a girl walking up to him from a distance, he wasn't sure if she was going to sit next to him, or simply walk by. It was only when he looked up and properly looked at the girl that he realized that he'd forgotten how to breathe. Her long brown locks, casually falling over her shoulder-

She sat down next to him and he gave her a smile. She returned it, much to his surprise. He was just going to introduce himself when she went bright red and stood up from the bench as if it had burned her.

''Where did you get that?'' She snapped, getting angrier by the second. Kate snatched the book out of his hand and hid it in her bag.

''I'm sorry- Is this yours?'' He said calmly, pointing to the book.

''You have no _right_ to read what's in there.'' She tried to even out her breathing. ''Where did you get it?'' She repeated.

''You must have lost it. I'm willing to bet that it happened after your lecture finished, you know, when you grabbed your bag, it must have fallen out in the rush. I found it the hour after it.'' She was still looking accusingly at him. ''I was hoping to find your name or maybe some kind of information to find the owner. But it looks like you found it yourself.'' He explained with a kind smile on his face.

''I can't believe you read it.'' She sat back down on the couch and put her elbows on her knees, trying to stop herself from hyperventilating. He sat a bit closer to her, hoping that it would help her.

''Listen, I want to help.'' He said softly.

''Don't they all.'' She mumbled before gathering her things, closing her bag once again. He reached out for her, but she quickly pulled her arm away. ''Don't touch me.''

''I read it and I wish I could just- I want to help you.'' He couldn't explain what he was feeling, the words were a mess in his brain. She was starting to pull away again and Rick was sure that she felt cornered. ''Can I at least know your name?'' He tried.

Kate wiped away an angry tear from her eye. ''It's Kate.''

''Richard Rodgers, but you can call me Rick, nice to meet you.'' He gave her his kindest smile and Kate almost felt like crying again. Why did this guy have to be so nice? ''I want to give you my number, you know, just in case you ever feel like talking. Or maybe grab a cup of coffee, maybe dinner, whatever you want. And I don't care about what you want to talk, Kate, I don't care if it's about unicorns or what you ate last night. Please just call me.''

She nodded. ''I'll call.''

Those were her last words before she stood up and walked away again. It felt surreal to him, that such a beautiful girl like this hid such dark secrets. He genuinely felt sorry for her, hoping to relief some of the pain, but he couldn't. She promised to call him, that she did.

And yet, he couldn't help it but feeling like she'd walked out of his life forever.

* * *

_A/N: One shot or multiple chapters? You guys decide. I would love to hear from you._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Thank you guys for reviewing last chapter! I have to confess though... I was dying to write another chapter. Not literally, but you get the point. Hopefully. Alright, here's the next one. You know what to do ;)

_Disclaimer_: I own all seasons on DVD. Does that count?

* * *

He recognized her in the crowd the second he stepped out of the classroom. ''Kate?'' He took a small sprint and caught up with her. ''Kate. Hi.'' She seemed to realize that the guy, _Rick, was it?_ was talking to her and decided that it might be for the best if she gave him some attention.

She pulled out one of her headphones. ''Rick, right?'' _You can never be too sure, _she had tried to forget that he was the one who found her notebook. But unfortunately, she only forgot his name.

''Yeah.'' She did remember him. He gave her a smile and cleared his throat. ''I saw you walking here and was just wondering if you maybe wanted to go and grab a cup of coffee? I know this nice place down town-''

''I can't, sorry.'' She said quickly as she picked up her pace.

''But it's almost weekend!'' He quickened his pace too. ''We don't have to get coffee, I could do dinner too-''

''Listen, Rodgers I have somewhere to be, so I can't, alright?''

He chuckled. ''Rodgers?''

''That's your last name if I'm not mistaken.''

''Well, actually, I changed it legally to Castle this week.''

She stopped in her track. ''Why would you change your last name?''

''I'm going to be a best-selling novelist someday and Castle sounds like the kind of name that would sell better than Richard Rodgers. I already have a couple of books published, actually. It was only till now that I decided to change it legally.''

_Castle_. It had this familiar sound to it. She pushed the thought quickly away.

''Good for you.'' She gave him a small smile and turned the corner.

Even though within a couple of seconds, he was next to her again, breathing heavily.

''Damn you woman, you walk fast.'' She waited for him to even out his breath and then slowly started walking again.

''What's it Castle, can't keep up with me?'' She said with a teasing tone. He immediately stood up straighter and caught up with her. ''You should come running with me sometime, get your body in shape. Maybe lose some of that beer belly.''

''What, this?'' He said patting his belly. ''This- This is all muscle.''

''Uh-huh. Of course it is.''

He gasped. ''You don't believe me?''

''Actually, I don't.'' She crossed her arms, smirk on her face.

''Okay, now you're just asking for it.'' He moved his hands to the bottom of his shirt but Kate stopped him, grasping his wrists, laughing. ''What? You didn't believe me.''

''You can keep the shirt on Casanova. I'm not Madison Queller, after all I do not fall for a guy because of his body.''

He chuckled. ''Oh, come on.''

''Nah, believe it or not Castle, I actually look for more in guys than just abs.'' She said, leaning forward, making him stop in his track.

He swallowed. ''Like what?'' He stammered.

''I don't know a brain maybe, a pulse would be nice too.''

He laughed. ''So what you're actually saying is that you could date me?''

''I'm not sure Castle... do you have a functioning brain?''

She chuckled. He wasn't offended by her joke, at all, but he was just glad that she could laugh. _And her smile..._ ''Oh, very funny Beckett.'' She stuck her tongue out to him. ''And _very_ mature.''

Kate checked her watch and saw that if she wouldn't step in her car right now, she would miss her dad coming home. ''I really have to go now though.'' She pointed at the pick up truck behind her and gestured 'mine'.

''Of course, I'll see you around.'' He took a step back and watched her get in the car. Once she drove by him, with her window open, he yelled: ''Bye Kate!'' With a tone so cheery that he scared himself.

XXXXXXXXXX

He felt stupid.

After he'd realized that she was in the classroom the hour before he would be there, he'd decided to get to the class a couple of minutes earlier. Okay, two full hours earlier. Just in time for her to start her class. He was holding two cups of coffee and was standing on the opposite of the hallway, looking out for her. Some people were giving him looks, which he realized was logical, because he definitely did not look like a lawyer.

Eventually everyone got seated, the teacher closed the door and started his lecture but Kate was nowhere to be found. He became worried, what if something happened to her? Did she finally do it? He was slowly losing his mind as he suddenly saw someone sprinting towards him, or running to the door. Kate came in his vision and he let out a shaky laugh, she'd probably just slept through her alarm.

''Rick? What are you doing here?'' She said, slightly out of breath.

''I've switched studies, becoming a lawyer.'' He tried with a cheeky smile. She rolled her eyes at him and walked back to the classroom. He walked after her.

She turned around and put her hand on his chest to keep him from walking further. ''What do you think you're doing?''

''Going to class with you.''

''What? No. Castle, you can't do that.''

''Of course, I can. Watch me.'' He pushed her aside with ease and walked into the classroom. ''Where do you usually sit?'' He whispered to her, trying to avoid getting glared at by the teacher.

In which he failed. He mouthed a sorry to the teacher and made his way over to the back rows.

''Shut up.''

He let her settle first and only then sat down next to her. Once she was comfortable and started taking out her books, he handed her a coffee.

''Seriously Castle, why are you doing this?'' She put the coffee down on her desk and turned her attention to him.

''Well, since you don't have any time in the weekends, I figured we could spent some time together in class.'' He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

''You don't even follow this class!'' She hissed.

''But you do.''

She waved a hand through her hair in frustration. ''I can't believe I'm even talking to you.''

''Is it really that bad?''

She sighed. No, she liked talking to him somehow. But she just couldn't afford herself to get attached to someone at the moment. They all end up leaving her alone, as usual. ''What can I do to get you away from me?''

''I'll tell you what, we arrange a get-together sometime this week and if you still don't like me, I'll be out of your life.'' He was lying, she knew it.

She knew that he would try to sneak his way into her life. He'd already gone further then anyone else had just by listening to what she had to say. On a certain level though, he was still acting like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush.

''When.''

He shrugged. ''That's up to you.''

''How about tomorrow evening? I have a few classes in the morning, but I still need to get groceries and check on my dad- I need to check on some data, for the exams, I'm still not sure when those take place.'' She finished lamely. He didn't have to know that her father was drowning himself in alcohol and that she would be the once cleaning up his mess.

''Yeah, no, I can do tomorrow.''

They got another glare from the teacher and Rick kept his mouth shut for a couple of seconds before he turned back to Kate again.

''Great, see you tomorrow.'' She said, looking back at the teacher trying to figure out what he was saying.

He smiled. ''I'll see you tomorrow.''

After a couple of minutes, he still hadn't left. She looked back at Castle with a questioning look. ''Why aren't you leaving?''

''Leaving during a lecture? That's just rude.'' He said innocently. ''I'll sit this one out, my lecture is right after this.''

''You're going to sit through a two-hour speech about how society is fucked up?''

He looked at the professor. ''Really, that's a subject?''

She groaned. ''You know what I mean.''

''If it means that I'll get to spent more time with you, then yes.'' He grabbed his coffee and too a gulp, trying to hide his smug smile.

And he could swear that he saw the beginning of a smile.

XXXXXXXXXX

''Don't you have a roommate?'' She asked, looking through the room, which was extremely clean and tidy, much to her surprise. She'd seen some other dorm rooms from guys and let's just say that she would rather not get into detail about it.

He looked up to meet her gaze. ''Kicked him out.''

''Why? You hoping to get lucky tonight?''

Taken back by her answer, he chuckled nervously. ''I did not have that in mind when I kicked him out, no.'' He said honestly.

''Then what did you have in mind?''

''A private room, great seating aka my bed, big screen television and the best dvd-collection you'll ever see, accompanied with the most beautiful girl on campus.''

She blushed, but seemed to realize something and immediately her mood fell. ''I'm not.'' She mumbled softly, sitting down on his bed.

He was sure that she thought that he hadn't heard her say it, but he had. This girl kept surprising him.

He sat down next to her and put his hand on her knee, she didn't pull away and that was just another reminder that he was making progress with her. She was finally willing to let someone help her and it tore his heart apart when he hear her say 'I'm not'.

''You are.'' _Don't push her Ri- Castle_. He was still getting used to the name and her calling him Castle wasn't really helping either, since she said it in such away that his heartbeat sped up. And she'd only said his name_. Oh, boy_. ''All right, do you want something to drink? I got coke, orange juice, beer-''

''How about something a little stronger?'' She tried, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. He wanted to reach out and do it for himself so bad, but he managed to keep himself in line.

''I do have some liquor stashed away somewhere in this room, yes, but that wouldn't be too smart if you haven't eaten since breakfast this morning.'' She blushed.

He got her, _again_.

''Then where are you keeping my pizza?''

He checked his watch. ''Actually, it should have been here by now.''

''How did you know that I haven't eaten anything today?''

''Well, you have two classes on Thursday. And while you eat a blue berry muffin and drink some coffee in the morning on your way to school, those two classes take place right after each other right about lunch time and by the time you are done with your second class it's too late to get lunch... so you just eat dinner. If you remember to, of course.''

''I'm impressed. What did you do? Follow me?'' He gave her a smug smile and she just shook her head. ''And there's the ego again, it does not look pretty on you.''

''I don't have to look pretty.''

''No?''

''Nope, I am ruggedly handsome.''

She laughed. ''You are so full of yourself!''

He heard a knock before he could think of a clever response, so he stood up and grabbed his wallet from the table near the door. He paid the delivery guy and walked back with two pizza's in his hand.

''I'm not sure what you like, so I got two different pizza's... just take whatever you want.'' She nodded and settled back against the headboard. Rick set two coke's for them on his nightstand as he walked back to the television in search of a movie to watch.

''So, any suggestions?'' he said, holding up a bunch of dvd's.

''I don't care. This is your night.''

He chuckled. ''Really? Okay, um, how about The Killer? Haven't seen that in a while.''

''John Woo? Sure.'' She took a sip from her drink and then took a quick bite of her pizza. He smiled, seeing that she was loosening up. That, and she just looked really comfortable in his bed.

After he'd settled a little too closely to her, . She didn't feel cornered with him, she was starting to feel more like herself. Not like the person she'd been pretending to be over the last couple of months. He was good for her, somehow.

He kept talking about the movie while it was still playing, annoying Kate immensely just by doing so. But she just listened as he told background stories about the actors or how they'd set up a stunt. It wasn't _what_ he told her, it was _how_ he told the story. She liked listening to him.

He'd gotten out the strong liquor at her request, and handed her a glass. He knew she was still underage, but what would it hurt, really? It was only after the movie had ended and Kate was slowly starting to fall asleep, he realized that it might be for the best if she'd go back to her dorm. They weren't in that stage yet. Much to his disappointment.

He got up from the bed. ''Come on, let's get you home.''

''I lost my home a long time ago, let's just call it dorm, all right?'' He'd have to ask her about that sometime but decided to let it slide for now.

''Alright.'' He agreed, giving her an understanding smile. ''Can you still walk, you know, because it's no problem if you just stay her tonight, I'll take the couch.''

She wove him off. ''I'll manage.'' She stretched and stood up from his bed, almost immediately falling over. Still swaying, he put his arm around her waist, holding her up.

''Wow, hey there, slow down.'' He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and quickly pulled away after he'd realized what he'd done. Did she lean in to his touch? That had got to be his imagination. Or the alcohol. ''Uh- Let me just grab my coat.'' He first grabbed hers and helped her into it, after that he quickly put on his own jacket and grabbed the keys to his room, locking the door behind him.

Once they came close to her building, Kate was hanging onto Rick not to fall over.

''This isn't going to work.'' He mumbled. She gave him a questioning look. He let go of her and knelt down in front of her. ''Come on.''

''You've got to be kidding me.''

''What's wrong with a piggy back ride? This way I can get you back safely.''

''Yeah, whatever.'' She wrapped her legs around his waist to keep herself from falling. Rick was trying very hard to stay a gentleman about it, but the feeling of her pressed against his back was a little too overwhelming. He took a deep breath and continued his walk.

Once they were inside her building, he gently put her to the ground and Kate grabbed her keys out of her pocket.

''Open the door for me.'' He kept looking at her, as if he wanted to say something. ''Please?'' She tried, hoping that he would hurry once she'd said the magic words.

''I- yeah, sure.'' He fished the keys out of her hand and opened the door.

''Oh- oh yeah-'' Madison moaned. ''Oh my god, Mark!''

Rick closed the door immediately and put his back to it, preventing Kate from going in.

He cleared his throat. ''You know what, it looks like my roommate is going to be away for the night... and so is yours... so uh, you can crash at my place?''

She sighed. ''Fine. Just don't look so happy about it.'' He laughed and knelt down again, waiting for her to jump on his back.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: If you thought this was going to be a happy fic... then you got screwed. Big time. Honestly, it's probably going to take some time. But hey, this fic has already taken some turns which I did not think of at the beginning. On another note, I've only recently found out that my grandpa (mother's side) was an alcoholic, so I got to hear some stories from her... So that's where this is somewhat based on. Please review!

_Disclaimer_: Instead of a disclaimer this time, let's call this my ''fact'' line; my hamster is named Stormy... after Derrick Storm. Best. Hamster. Ever.

* * *

''Morning sunshine.'' He set the cup of coffee next to her on the nightstand. She stirred and he couldn't help it but smile at the sight. She looked so peaceful... without worries. And it hit him. She was just so beautiful, why couldn't she see that for herself?

He had to physically refrain himself from kissing her.

She groaned. ''What time is it?''

''It's a little after 8, I figured that you might have some early classes today, because I never run into you on Wednesdays.'' She hummed and turned back around.

''Ka-ate''

''Castle, if you don't shut up now, I will _make_ you shut up.''

''I can feel the love radiating from you.'' He said sarcastically, making her groan. ''Anyway, there's coffee on your nightstand and I'm going to shower... I'm not sure if we have any food left in the fridge so I thought that we could... you know... go and get some breakfast after I'm done?''

''Rick. I'm trying to sleep here.''

He sighed. ''Well... I'll be right back. Feel free to use whatever you want.''

The second the door locked, Kate sat up in bed leaning back against the headboard. She had never intended to stay the night, at all, but after she figured out that it was either sleeping in a room where people were trying to reproduce or spent the night on the most comfortable bed she'd ever laid on.

She reached for the coffee on the nightstand and took a sip. How the hell did he find out how she liked her coffee? She stepped out of the bed and picked up the sweater she'd been wearing the night before. She took another sip from her coffee, letting the liquid warm her up.

The guy had actually slept on the couch for her, refusing to take his own bed. Or his roommate's bed for that matter, mumbling something in the trance of ''god knows what he did in that bed''. And he barely knew her.

It was a thought that scared her. No one had even gone through the trouble to even consider helping her get through her- loss. And here he was, being understanding, patient- He wasn't the kind of guy who would take advantage of her. He'd probably take his time getting to know her, explore her... She knew he wasn't like the others. He seemed different, just like her.

And it genuinely scared her.

So she did the thing she knew how to do the best.

She ran.

XXXXXXXXXX

Had he expected her to run? Yes.

He knew the second he would get out of her sight, she would leave him alone in his room. Somehow he just knew. She was afraid of whatever was going on and quite frankly, he was too. He turned on the shower but waited before actually stepping in, listening to the sounds in his room.

She put the mug on the table. Walked towards the couch where her sweater laid. And walked out of the door.

He stepped into the shower and let his head fall back against the cold tiles.

She needed her space, so he was going to let her have it. Though he hoped that he hadn't pushed it too far.

He made quick work of his shower and walked back into his room only half-clothed. In search of his sweater he was in desperate need off, since it was quite chilly in the room, he couldn't find it.

She must have taken the wrong sweater.

And his car keys were in the pocket. _Great_.

Rick quickly grabbed some clothes within his reach and put them on. He stumbled through the room but managed to snatch his keys off the table before walking out of the door.

He made his way over to her building and knocked on her door without thinking.

Or he was thinking too much. Depends how you look at it.

''Kate'' He said, trying not to wake the neighbouring rooms. ''Come on, I know you're in there.'' He knocked again. ''Listen, we need to talk. You uh, grabbed my sweater on the way out, but my car keys are in there and I have to be somewhere today... Please, Kate.''

_Dammit_. Now she _had_ to open the door.

She quickly wiped her tears away and checked herself in the mirror. Genuinely not caring that she looked like crap, she opened the door.

''Kate! Are you okay? You look-'' _tired, sad, depressed_. Had she been crying? And more importantly, was it because of him?

''I know I look like crap Castle. No need to point it out.'' She crossed her arms and took a step back, her eyes focused on the door frame. ''I'm sorry about taking your sweater.'' She realized that she was still wearing it and started to take it off.

''You can keep the sweater, you look great in it.'' _Yes, because that's the right thing to say, Castle._

She swallowed quickly, feeling the tears coming up again. ''I- here are your keys.'' He grabbed the keys from her hand, letting his hand linger longer then necessary and she seemed to notice because she pulled away. Just when he thought they were starting to make progress.

''Thank you.'' She started to close the door again, when he suddenly stopped her. Giving him a quizzed look, she slowly opened the door. He cleared his throat and rubbed his neck. ''I was wondering if you might want to meet up again this weekend?''

She sighed. ''I can't Castle, you know that.''

''But why?'' He asked her, desperately hoping she would answer him.

''Castle, I just can't alright?''

''Okay.'' ''Well, I- uh- had a great time last night and I just wanted to let you know that I'm up for a movie night any time. So uh, have a nice weekend Kate.''

She gave him a shy smile. ''Bye.''

XXXXXXXXXX

The door slammed open and revealed a way too happy roommate named Mark standing in a Freddy Mercury victory pose. ''Guess who I nailed last night!''

Rick didn't bother to look up from his laptop. ''Maddison Queller?''

''How did you-''

''Let's just say that I got a pretty good _view_.'' Mark gave him the most comical look Rick had possibly ever seen and he almost had to laugh at the expression. _Almost_. ''I was just walking my friend home- to her dorm last night, when her roommate happened to be busy. When she screamed 'Oh my god, Mark' it pretty much gave away the surprise.''

Mark dropped his jacket on his bed and let himself fall too. ''No way.''

''Yes, way.'' Rick looked back at his laptop, finding himself saving the file for the tenth time that minute. ''And for God's sake, Mark, next time put a freaking sock on the door to keep people from coming in.''

''Hey the door was locked. Only the roommate could come in. I can't blame you from being a _gentleman_ and opening the door for her.'' Mark said with a mocking tone.

''Just saying.''

''Afraid of a little sex, Rick?'' He chuckled to himself. ''When's the last time you got laid?'' Castle turned his chair immediately, having a feeling he would know where this conversation would lead. ''Was it that Keira chick? Yeah, it must have been her, you haven't brought a girl here since. Or actually wasn't that Kate girl here last night? Funny huh, that we picked two roommates to screw-''

''Mark, I swear to-'' He curled his hands into fist as he tried to refrain himself from hitting the guy he used to call his friend. ''Just shut the fuck up. Or I'll make you shut up.''

''Wow, hey, no need to get so aggressive about it. I was just messing with you, bro.'' Mark said, laughing, not getting the seriousness of the situation. ''Anyway, I have a class in an hour. Wake me up, would you?''

Rick saved the files once again and locked his laptop. He grabbed his jacked and headed towards the door. ''I wouldn't count on it.'' He said, just before slamming the door closed.

''I was just kidding! Jeez.''

_Jackass_.

He took a deep breath before making his way to his car. It was weekend after all, he could go anywhere he want.

xxx

''Madame, there's a Richard Castle here for you. Can I let him through?''

''Of course, that's my son for God's sake, let him in Joe!''

''Sure thing, miss Rodgers.'' Joe chuckled and mumbled something in the headset he was wearing. A couple of minutes later, Rick was being let into her room, holding a small bouquet of flowers. She took the flowers from him and quickly put them on her chair, the table being too far away.

''Richard! Oh, I've missed you kiddo.'' She immediately wrapped him in a big hug and Rick couldn't help it but give in. He'd genuinely missed his mother.

''I've missed you too, mother.'' He admitted.

''How did you get tickets? I thought the show was sold out tonight.''

''It is actually... but I know a guy.''

''Of course you do.'' His mother said, laughing. ''Not that I don't love it that you're here but, what do I owe this visit too?''

''I can't even check up on my own mother without a reason?''

''No, no, there must be a reason.'' She narrowed her eyes at him. ''Trouble writing again?''

He chuckled. ''Actually, no.''

''Ah, I see. So you finally found yourself a new inspiration?'' She motioned to the seat next to her, waiting for him to sit down.

''Something like that.'' He admitted, sighing. ''What's with that look on your face? You look like you're up to something.''

''Richard, don't talk to that like your mother.'' They both laughed. ''The last time I saw you look like this, you had just met Keira. So, tell me what happened.'' The smile dropped of his face and his mother grinned at him. What is it with mother's and knowing _everything_? ''What's her name?''

''Kate.''

Martha Rodgers was stunned, her son looked much more... mature. Like he'd grown since the last time he'd seen her. It sounded weird, but it had somehow happened. Kate changed him. ''I can tell she's different.''

''She's extraordinary.'' He said with awe on his face, without even realizing he'd said it or the way he looked when he said it. ''She- she just doesn't see it, mother. She has to be the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and her smile- It's just... I just can't seem to get her off my mind.'' He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. ''

''Well Richard, that's what happens when you're in love.''

He looked up immediately, his eyes wide open. ''Okay, who said it was love?'' He said, laughing nervously. ''And second how would you know what love is?''

It was low, he knew it and he regretted his words immensely the second they'd come out of his mouth.

''I was in love once.'' Martha said, ignoring his remark. ''The night I met your father.''

''I'm sorry.'' He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down in shame.

''_Calling cast to stage! Cast to stage, please._''

''Curtain call.'' His mother explained.

''Well, break a leg.''

Martha stood up and enveloped him in a hug again. ''Thank you kiddo. Now, go and find your seat, the show is about to start and I will not allow you to miss the beginning.''

He nodded. ''Yes, mother.''

He gave her one last kiss on her cheek and then proceeded to walk down the hallway, in search of his seat. People were running by him, talking loudly through headsets and a prop guy just dropped a couple of items. He could see why his mom loved it.

That was until he got lost in the labyrinth of hallways that they called 'backstage'.

A guy with a headset ran up to him. ''Excuse me, sir. You aren't allowed to walk backstage.''

''Sorry, could you please show me where I can get to the seating area?'' He said, giving the frustrated man a sheepish smile.

''He's with me, Neil.'' Martha Rodgers said, walking up behind Rick. She motioned for Rick to walk along. ''Go on, first door to the right and then the second door to the left. I'll see you after the show.''

''Sorry sir, I didn't know you were with Martha Rodgers. My apologies.'' Neil said, stuttering.

Rick smiled at him. ''Nothing to worry about.''

''_Show time people!_''

It was still weird that his mother got more recognition than him, but it was only fair, she had been around a little longer then he had. Not to mention that her success was still livid after all those years. And yes, she'd probably kill him if he'd said after _all_ those years. It made her feel old, but she'd always said that she had a young soul. And that, he did believe in.

He found the exit and made his way over to his seat, waiting for the curtain to drop.

XXXXXXXXXX

_Shit._

That was the only thing running through her head.

Yes, she'd expected to find a mess in the place she used to call home, but this was new one. Her dad was sprawled across the floor in the kitchen, still clutching on his bottle of whiskey.

It was a thing that he'd end up drinking too much in a bar, but home... that was new to her. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest as she walked up to him. She knelt next to him, gently shaking him. He didn't make a noise, so she poked him. Hard.

Still no noise or movement. Okay, now he was starting to scare her.

''Dad.'' She shook him again. ''Wake up, come on! You can't do this to me.'' She pulled her hands back from him and ran them through her hair, angry tears falling from her face.

Frustration was getting the best of her and she knew it. The worst thing was that she knew, she couldn't get him to the hospital alone, she couldn't carry nor drag a 180 pound man out of the house and into a car. She knew that the ambulance wouldn't come in time... She just-

She grabbed her phone. She just grabbed her phone and dialed the number she'd gotten the day she found him sitting on that bench with her notebook. The number had been memorized in her head since that day. For when she needed him, he'd told her.

''_This is Richard's Castle's voicemail, lucky you! Leave a message after the beep._''

Just when she needed him, he'd let her down.

XXXXXXXXXX

He had to admit that the play was much better than the previous ones he'd seen his mother in. And there had been a lot. The pause came quicker then expected and he made his way to the foyer, turning his phone on again to see if he had received any messages.

What he didn't expect however, was five missed calls from what he recognized was Kate's number. Was she in trouble?

He walked out of the theater in search of some privacy. He was pacing back and forth waiting for her to pick up the phone. The calls were pretty recent, so she could still pick up, right? After the third beep, she picked up.

''Rick. I need your help-'' She managed to say between sobs.

''Where?'' He ran a hand through his hair. ''Address, Kate.'' She quickly named the street and a short description of how to get there.

''Alright, that's about fifteen minutes away from here. I can make it in ten.'' She nodded, but only then realized that he couldn't see her. He started having trouble focusing on anything but her, almost getting run over by a car in the process. ''Are you okay?''

''I am-''

''Kate. Don't lie to me.''

''Just get here, please.'' She was whispering. ''It's my dad.'' He'd started running without even realizing it.

''I just got to my car.'' He started the engine and was just about to take off when he realized he was still holding the phone with Kate on the other line. ''Do you want me to keep you on the phone?''

''No, I don't want to be the one who got you killed.''

''Okay. I'll see you soon. Hang in there.'' The connection broke and Rick focused on the road in front of him, hoping that he would be there in time.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: Has career deciding biology test in the morning, writes this chapter instead. Thank you for the reviews guys! You made my day. Do it again, please? =)

_Disclaimer_: I do not own this wonderful show.

* * *

_''Okay. I'll see you soon. Hang in there.'' The connection broke and Rick focused on the road in front of him, hoping that he would be there in time._

XXXXXXXXXX

She practically slammed the front door open, running back to her dad immediately.

She'd laid her dad on his side, clearing his airway. Knowing the theory is one thing, using techniques such as reanimation in the real world? That's a whole different story. She checked his pulse again.

Kate choked back her sobs as she felt once again at his wrist. It was that moment Rick ran into the house, breathing heavily.

''What happened?'' He said, falling down on his knees next to her.

She angrily wiped some tears away. ''Alcohol happened.''

He nodded. After that explanation, he didn't let himself think about how misery this man must have made Kate feel when he was drinking. How she probably came back every weekend to check up on him, but for only now to find him passed out on the floor. He wouldn't allow himself. She cared for her father and he was going to help her. In every way that was possible.

They both pulled Jim Beckett to a sitting positioning, making it easier for Rick to pull him up. After a second try of lifting he switched tactics and picked him up bridal style. Kate quickly grabbed her bag from the couch and ran to clear the way for Castle. She opened the door to his car and helped getting her dad in the backseat.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next few minutes were a blur to Rick, they'd rushed Jim Beckett into the emergency room, told them they would come back with a status report and then left them standing there in the middle of the cold white hallway.

Much to his surprise, Kate hadn't broken down. How much can this girl take? He wondered as he slowly reached for her arm, tucked her along the hallway and motioned her to sit down once they made it to the waiting room.

He studied her face, concern written over his own. She was being so strong, so quiet. It genuinely scared him that she wasn't showing any emotion. He'd expected her to be angry or at least crying, but she'd stopped sobbing once they got in the car.

After a little while, with still no signs from any doctors, Rick figured it was safe to get up and walk to the cafeteria for some drinks. He told her he would be right back and she just nodded.

''Family of James Beckett?'' She immediately stood up. He gave her a small smile and walked to her.

Kate had her arms crossed, avoiding eye contact with the doctor. ''Kate Beckett, daughter.''

''I'm doctor Pomatter.'' He reached out to shake her hand and she accepted it hesitantly. ''We've diagnosed your father with alcohol poison. He seems to have taken a very high dose of alcohol and dehydration was one of the consequences. Since he was brought in unconscious, means that he might have been there longer then we would have liked. He became short of breath and his heart stopped functioning properly.'' ''He is still alive-'' Kate sighed in relief. ''-and we want to keep him here for a few days to check on his condition. Besides that, we would like to talk to him about rehab. Do you have any objections?'' Kate shook her head. ''Alright, any thing else you want to know?''

''Can't say that it was much of a surprise.''

''Care to explain why, miss?''

''He's been an alcoholic for a couple of months now.''

''Do you have any idea why?''

She swallowed. ''I'd rather not get into details, if you don't mind.''

''I can understand that miss Beckett, but it might help him with his treatment.''

''You let him figure it out.''

''Alright, um, well, if you need me, just ask one of the nurses. You can't see him at the moment as they are still doing some routine check-ups, but if you could come back tomorrow morning, he should look somewhat better.''

She nodded.

She watched the doctor walk away, through one of those 'personal only' doors and returned to her previous spot. It was only the she realized that Rick was gone and she couldn't remember him saying goodbye. Getting frustrated at him, she stood up making her way to the elevator.

''Hey Kate.'' He wanted to hand her a bottle of water, but saw her tense up when she saw him. ''Where are you going?''

''Rick. Go home, _please_.''

He stayed silent, looking at her intensely.

''Didn't you hear me? I said go.'' She shoved him backwards and he grabbed her arms, keeping her from pushing him. ''God dammit Castle!''

He pulled her in his arms, hugging her fiercely, not letting go. She resisted and tried to get away, but he wouldn't let her. Eventually she just gave in and broke down. The tears rolled freely over her face and she couldn't care any less about how she looked or how he saw her at her most vulnerable.

She buried her face in the crook of his neck, holding on to him. ''It's going to be okay, Kate.'' He said softly.

''How do you know?'' She said, sobbing.

''I just- You're a strong woman Kate.''

''I might not be as strong as you think I am, Rick.''

He pulled back and forced her to look in his eyes. ''How's that?''

''If you haven't noticed, I just cried my eyes out and smeared my mascara all over your _former_ white t-shirt.'' He chuckled and mumbled something about having a spare one in the back of his trunk.

''Listen, you're stronger than you think.'' He said, softly. ''And if you think that you can't handle it alone anymore, I just want to know that I'll always be there for you.''

She once again disappeared in his arms and he couldn't help it but wonder how such a beautiful creature could bear so much pain.

''You can't promise me that.''

''I can try.''

''That's good enough.''

He smiled sadly at her. ''Want to get out of here?''

''Yes please.'' She let go off him, stepping backwards and straightened her shirt.

''Do you want to grab something to eat?''

''I don't feel like eating at the moment if you don't mind.''

''I know, and that's understandable Kate, but you need to eat something. You probably haven't eaten anything since you left this morning.''

A sense of guilt ran through her body. This guy was the only good thing in her life and was currently keeping her from going insane. She could have at least stayed this morning. _Stupid_.

''I'm sorry-''

''We don't have to do this now.'' He said with a reassuring smile. ''Come on, we're going to a place called Remy's, they have the best milkshakes in town.''

''Really? That's a pretty high bar you're setting there, Rick.''

''Trust me. It's the best.''

And she did.

XXXXXXXXXX

''I hate to admit it to you Castle, but this is probably the best milkshake I've ever had.''

''Told you so.'' He said with a smug smile. She threw a napkin at his face and laughed at his expression. ''I hope that was a clean napkin...''

She was grinning. ''That's a mystery for you and a fact for me.''

He took another sip from his chocolate milkshake. He then looked next to him suspiciously, where he had a plate full of fries. Kate watched his eye movement and seemed to realize what he was going to do.

''Please tell me that you're not going to dip your fries in the milkshake.''

''Fine, I won't tell you.'' He said, just before dipping the fries in his milkshake.

''You're such a- such a-''

''A what?''

''A guy!''

He laughed. ''What? Well, _yeah_, I am a guy.''

''Only guys would do something so gross.''

''Trust me, you haven't met my niece.'' She chuckled. ''You want one?''

''Nah, I think I'm good.''

''Come on Kate, you've got to try it. It tastes better than a smorlet actually!''

''What's a smorlet? It's sounds kinda gross.''

''How dare you say that!'' He said dramatically, making her laugh. ''I'll explain that to you some other time. For now...'' He held the freshly dipped fries in front of her. ''Just try.''

''No.''

''What are you so afraid of? Come on, just one!''

''Castle, no.''

''_Fine_, more for me.'' He said, stubbornly.

They stayed silent, enjoying their food and each other company. He realized that the energy was slowly draining out of Kate's body and decided that it was time to go.

''Alright, before we leave, I have to make a quick stop at the bathroom.'' She nodded and watched him walk away. Just when he left her sight, she snatched some fries of his plate and dipped them in what was left of his milkshake.

_Oh my god, this is good._ She thought to herself.

She then tried it in her strawberry milkshake, coming to the conclusion that he was right. Again. Well, shit, she was really starting to lose this battle, wasn't she?

He came walking back with a smug smile on his face.

''So, good huh?''

''Shut up Castle, I'm not giving you that satisfaction.'' She said, sticking out her tongue to him. He sat back down on his chair and laughed.

''As long as you know it.'' He admired her face, she looked so much more relaxed then he'd seen her so far. Which was remarkable because of what had happened that day. ''The night still young, what do you want to do next?''

''I- um- think it might be for the best if I go back to my dad's house, clean up...''

''Are you sure you want to do that now?''

''It's not like I _want_ to do it Castle.'' She said, crossing her arms, making herself smaller.

''I mean, we could go back tomorrow. You need to rest, it's been a long day.''

''I'd rather just get it over with.'' She admitted.

''Alright, then that's what we do.''

''I can do it by myself Castle, I don't need your help.''

''I know you can do it on your own, but I want to help. There's a big difference there.'' ''Now, do you have all the equipment there, or do we have to go look for a 24-hour shop?''

''It's all there.''

''So, I guess that this is why you go home every weekend? To deal with your dad?'' He shouldn't be pushing it and he knew that, but she was opening up to him and he just had to know what it was that tearing her apart.

She nodded sadly. ''Yes and the mess he leaves.''

''How about your mom?'' He asked, curiosity getting the best of him.

''Story for another time, Castle.''

''Okay.'' And he respected her choice. ''I'll go pay, be right back.''

XXXXXXXXXX

They stepped into the house for the second time that day. The door hadn't even been locked when they rushed out and Kate was surprised to see that no one had trashed the place. It wasn't the nicest neighbourhood.

She took in the room and the video started to play in her head. It was the house she'd grown up with, her mom, dad... They had been a family. She bit her lip to keep herself in line, she wasn't going to break down _again_ in front of Castle. The guy didn't deserve that.

''Um, where can I find the cleaning supplies?'' he asked, taking in the living room. Of course, he'd been there that afternoon, but he hadn't exactly looked around. ''Kate, you don't have to keep biting your lip to keep yourself from crying. It's me. I don't think that you are weaker just because you need to cry.'' She slowly walked up to him and he wrapped his arms around her for the second time that day. He gave her a kiss on her hair and waved a hand through his hair. ''Listen to me, it's going to be alright.''

She nodded and untangled herself from him, making her way to the kitchen.

They both worked in silence while cleaning carpet with vomit and spilled whiskey. Kate suddenly stood up and took a leap towards the bathroom, emptying her stomach in the toilet. Rick was behind her in a second. Understanding that she was at her most vulnerable and she might not want him to see her. He retreated and walked to the kitchen where he grabbed a glass and filled it with water.

She'd already closed the bathroom door when he came back, so he knocked and slowly opened it again, setting the glass of water next to her. She smiled weakly at him and sat back to the wall, letting her head fall between her head.

He closed the door and let out the breath he'd been holding.

If he was quick he'd might be able to clean it all before she came out.

Rick was just putting away the supplies when Kate came walking out again.

''Do you want to go back to campus?'' She shook her head. ''Staying here isn't going to be an option, huh?'' He already knew the answer. ''Let's go to my house, neutral territory, I'm sure my mom won't mind.'' She smiled weakly at him again.

He thought of everything.

XXXXXXXXXX

''Richard! I didn't expect you to come here! What did you think of the play-'' Castle stepped aside and revealed Kate who was slightly trembling, wearing her sons sweater. ''Well hello, you must be Kate.'' Kate shot Rick a questioning look as if saying _you've been talking about me?_

''Hello mother.'' He gave his mother a kiss on the cheek and a quick hug. ''Mind if we hide out here for the night?'' His expression told her not to push any further and she made a motion for them to come in.

''No, of course, come in. Your old room is still the same. All yours.'' Kate waited a couple of seconds before entering. ''Kate, darling come in.''

''Thank you miss Rodgers.''

''Do you guys want dinner? I have some left over Chinese take out, if you want?'' Martha began.

''We've already eaten mother, but thank you.'' Rick said, stepping into the living room, hoping that Kate would follow him. ''I'm just going to show Kate around, alright?''

''Of course, go ahead kiddo.''

He looked at Kate and found her eyes already focused on him. He walked through the living room, into the hallway and made his way to his old room. Kate walked in after him and took in the room.

''It isn't much, but it's home to me.'' He said, waving a hand through his hair. ''Let's see, bathroom is first door on the left, you've been to the living room, kitchen is on the right side when you walk out of the hallway... Oh and my mom sleeps across.''

''I- I don't have any clothes with me.''

''I'll go find you something.'' He smiled at her and left the room. She sat down on the bed, his bed to be exact. Before she knew it, he came back walking in with a t-shirt and some boxers.

''This are kinda old- but clean.'' He said, looking sheepishly. ''Sorry I don't have anything else.''

''No, this is okay.'' She said with a reassuring smile. ''Thank you so much Rick. For everything.''

''No problem, Kate.'' Oh he was such a sweetheart. ''Do you want to take a shower?'' She nodded. ''Go ahead, I'll put some sheets on the bed and such.''

She walked out of the room and Rick quickly cleaned up his old room, including fixing the bed. He walked towards the living room and found his mom lounging on the couch.

''Is she okay?''

''She will be.''

''What happened?''

''Her dad is an alcoholic- and he um- she found him unconscious in his house. She called me to pick her up. We drove him to the hospital. He's still alive, recovering though.''

''Poor girl.''

''She's so strong mother, she refused to break down in front of me- And we just needed a place to stay. And I-''

''Relax Richard, you sound exhausted.''

''I am.'' HE admitted.''I'm just going to check up on her. Do you have a spare pillow and blanket? I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight.''

Martha smiled at the thoughtfulness of her son. ''Still in the same place kiddo, I'll get those, you go to Kate.''

He gave his mom a kiss on her cheek and then walked back to his room. The shower was already turned off so he continued his walk and opened the door to his room. He found Kate lying on top of the sheets wearing his clothing.

He smiled at the sight. Slowly, and as quietly as he could, he pulled the sheets from underneath her and tucked her in.

''Until tomorrow, Kate.'' He leaned down and gave her a kiss on her forehead, tucking the hair that had fallen across her face behind her ear.

''Night, Rick.'' She mumbled, before pulling the sheets tighter around her.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Thank you for your support! I'm already working on the next chapter. ;)

_Disclaimer_: OWNER;''You want to run this show?'' Me;''Yes.'' OWNER;''Well... you can't.'' (virtual high-five if you got the reference!)

* * *

She woke up to the smell of bacon and... _Rick_? Replaying yesterday's memories, she put the pieces together and realized that she was in his old bed and the smell actually came from his pillow, not the man himself. She pulled it closer to her, making her feel safer somehow. A couple of seconds later, the real Castle came walking in, armed with a tray and some deliciously smelling products.

''Morning.'' He sat down next to her on the bed with a tray of food and drinks. ''I made you some breakfast. I hope you like bacon and eggs. I mean who doesn't like bacon and eggs, but you know there's always a chance-''

She untangled herself from the sheets and sat back against the headboard. Still kind of sleepy, she waved a hand through her hair, hoping that she would look somewhat presentable towards Rick. Not that he seemed to care though.

''And um- If you don't like this, then I'll make a quick run to the store for some corn flakes, my mom ran out, she's not home that often-'' He kept rattling.

''Castle.''

''Yes?''

''Thank you. It looks great.''

He just smiled at her. She took a plate from him and propped up her legs. She noticed he was wearing the same clothes as yesterday. He must not visit his mother often then? Otherwise there should have been some of his clothes here somewhere. As if he read her mind, he gave her a smile and said;

''You are wearing my only set off spare clothing.''

''Oh, okay. Sorry.'' She sheepishly, blushing lightly.

''Don't be, you look so much better in them then I do.'' He said, softly. ''Like my sweater. I was serious about that though, you can keep it. I have enough and I don't feel cold that often.''

She blushed. Kate Beckett had genuinely blushed because of something he'd said.

Instead of being smug about it like usual, he just grabbed a piece of bacon off her plate and quickly put it in his mouth. She shot him a glare, but he just played it off with an innocent look. She chuckled and took a bite of her eggs.

That was until he stole another piece of bacon off her plate.

''Stop. Stealing. My. Bacon.''

''But I-''

''No but's!'' He laughed. ''You wanted bacon? Should've made some for your self.''

''Beck-ett.'' He said, whining.

''You're such a child sometimes.''

''It's cute, right?''

''Down right annoying is more like it.''

He put his hand over his heart and dramatically cringed. ''You hurt me, Beckett.''

''Don't be such a baby!''

''First a child and now a baby? Katherine Beckett, you need to make up your mind.''

She laughed. ''Alright, alright. I'll keep it with child.''

She finished her breakfast, with Rick stealing pieces of her plate during eating. She genuinely couldn't care any less that he did, she had to admit that it was kind of cute to see him like that. Not that she would ever tell him, she'd probably never hear the end of it.

Kate put the plat back on the tray and Rick took it from her, putting it on his nightstand.

''Anything you want to do today?'' He asked her, a hopeful look on his face.

She smirked. ''Who says I'll be spending it with you?''

''The smirk that you can't keep of your face ever since I brought you breakfast.'' That silenced her was she being _that_ obvious? ''Anyway, I was invited to a beach party actually, my roommate Mark his parents have this huge beach house at the Hamptons and he throws a party now and then. But you know, we don't have to go. I mean, we could go catch a movie? Or just go back to campus? Staying here is also an option, my mother had rehearsal this morning and it's going to take a while before she gets back. Probably not even before midnight, she loves to go out.''

She realized that she'd had absolutely no life next to school and going back home to clean every weekend. She didn't have to go back there now and going out sounded quite tempting. Fun, actually.

''Can you bring a guest?''

''Absolutely.'' He said, excited. ''You sure you want to come though? I mean, it's the usual thing, alcohol, couples making out and stuff-''

''I've _actually_ been to party's before, Castle.''

''I'm just saying, wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable.''

''I'm a big girl Castle, I'm sure I can handle it.''

''Alright, it's settled then.'' He said, feeling proud of himself that he'd dared to ask her and join him. ''What do you want to do till then?''

''Well, I need some clean clothes, so we should probably drop by campus.'' Rick nodded. ''How long does it actually take to get to the beach house?''

''Maybe an hour? Depends on the traffic.'' He said, while mentally planning the route. ''We could get lunch after picking up your clothes. I've already showered, you're more than welcome to do the same.''

''I'll have a quick one in my room, then I will have some clean clothing.'' He nodded. ''Let's go then.'' She said getting up from the bed and walking towards the bathroom to change in her outfit from the day before, giving Rick and excellent view at her behind. She was swaying on purpose, he knew it. Rick groaned and let himself fall back on his bed.

He knew for sure now, Kate Beckett was going to be the death of him.

XXXXXXXXXX

After she'd changed they had left Martha's apartment and made their way back to campus like they'd discussed. Rick had asked Kate is she wanted to go and see her dad before they left for the Hamptons, but she had declined, saying that she needed some time to think about it and so did her dad probably. He didn't exactly agree with her, but now was not the time to push, he told himself.

He pulled up on campus, letting Kate out of the car before finding a parking spot. That way she wouldn't have to walk that far, he told her. She'd just waved him off and got out of the car, making her way towards her dorm room.

She turned the key and squeezed her eyes shut, expecting to find her roommate getting it on with some guy. It wouldn't be the first time it happened and it certainly wouldn't be the last time.

Thankfully, Madison was stretched out on her bed, _alone_.

''Where've you been?'' She said, slowly sitting up while grabbing her head. Hangover, Kate concluded quickly. ''I was getting worried about you.''

''Long story.'' Kate said, grabbing some clean clothing and walking into the bathroom.

''I've got time.''

''I need to shower Madison.''

''Alright, but you owe me that story Kate.'' She said, before letting herself fall back on the bed. There was a knock on the door.

''Kate, can I come in?'' Madison stood up and made her way to the door.

''Hello, and you are?'' Madison said, confusion written over her face. Kate never, ever brought back a guy to her room. And it was actually a handsome guy. _Go Kate._

Rick put on his signature smile and stuck out his hand for her to shake. ''Richard Castle. You must be Madison?''

''Yes, the one and only. Nice to meet you, Kate hasn't mentioned you before. Are you two?'' She pointed between her and the bathroom, where Kate was changing. She let him in and closed the door behind him.

''We're not, no.'' _Unfortunately_, he added in his mind.

''I see.'' She said it in such a way, Rick realized that she must be coming onto him. ''Are you going to Mark's party tonight? I know he's your roommate.'' He put his hands in his pocket's standing there somewhat awkwardly.

''Yes, I'm considering going.''

''You should come, it's going to be legendary.'' She insisted.

Rick fake smiled. ''I might.''

''Alright, Richard, I see you there.'' She said, winking at him. ''Say bye to Kate would you? I'm going to... whatever his name is.'' Madison said before leaving the place in her pj's.

''Sure.''

Madison waved at Rick before closing the door. Kate walked out of the bathroom mere seconds later. He heard the bathroom door close and turned around. Kate had changed into a pair of jeans and a simple v-neck t-shirt. He cleared his throat and tried to look away from her, trying to keep himself in line, not making this embarrassing. But she just looked so goddamn beautiful.

He cleared his throat. ''Didn't she sleep with my roommate less than three days ago?'

''She's trying to sleep with every guy in college, Castle.'' Kate said, looking from where she was sitting at Maddie's desk, which had a mirror close to it.

''I'm guessing she didn't voice it _directly_ like you said.''

Kate shrugged. ''No she did not, but you get the point.'' She finished applying her make-up, simple mascara and some eye liner, but it was enough. ''Alright, you ready to go?''

''Oh, I'm ready.'' He said, looking her up and down.

''Castle.''

He cleared his throat. ''That came out way dirtier than I expected.''

''Well, yes, but are you ready or do we need to go back to your room?''

He smelled his shirt and pulled a funny face. ''Yeah, we need to head back to my room.''

XXXXXXXXXX

''Castle. I think we just passed the exit to the Hamptons.'' She said, turning in her chair to catch a glance at the road sign they'd just passed.

''Yes, we did.'' He said, making no attempt to turn around.

She crossed her arms. ''Care to tell me why exactly?''

''You'll see.'' He said with a smug smile.

''Castle, I know you haven't known me for that long, but you should have at least figured out that I'm not the kind of girl who likes surprises.''

He chuckled. ''Kate, relax, I'm going to take you to dinner at a restaurant near the beach. It's not that much further, in fact, there's our exit.'' He said, pointing towards the sign. ''The owner is an old friend of mine, my mom and I used to go there all the time when I was little.''

''Why this place?''

''It's quiet, cozy, the food is lovely and it's outside of town. We went there to get away from the city. We actually owned a place in the Hamptons though.''

''Really? Why used to?'' Rick parked in one of the empty spaces. He took a deep breath and prepared himself.

Rick's smiled disappeared as memories came back to him. ''Mother married mister Jack Cole, good-looking guy, came from money, or so he told her and he had a way with words - most importantly, my mother liked him. A lot. He was good for her, somehow. I didn't really have a relationship with him, at all... But that was okay, because he made my mother happy.'' He explained with a sad look on his face. ''That was until he decided to run away and took all of her money with him.''

''Oh my god Rick, I'm so sorry.''

''So we had to sell the place that we loved so much...'' He said, looking up at the restaurant. ''We got just enough money to make it through a couple of months, after that my mom managed to snatch a roll on Broadway and all while working as a waitress to make some extra money. I'm still not sure how she managed to raise me in the mean time. I was a handful.''

Kate chuckled softly. ''She must love you very much.''

He nodded. ''My ultimate goal is to make enough money to buy it back. But you know, I'm just getting started with writing and it might actually take some time for me to make such money... Some day, I will.''

She grabbed his hand from the steering wheel and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

''I know you will.'' With the look she was giving him, he somehow found enough confidence to think that he could actually pull it off. Get famous, write bestseller's, buy the house back... It sounded so far away. But she believed in him, wasn't that enough?

''Shall we go then?''

She nodded and stepped out of the car and waited for Rick to catch up with her. He held the door open for her, being the gentleman he was and motioned for her to keep walking.

''Richard Castle, is that you?''

''The one and only!'' He said, giving the man a quick hug. ''How've you been John?''

''Doing well, the kids are growing up so fast Rick, you should see them. They are out-of-town with Megan at the moment. Shame you just missed them.''

''I promise I'll come back some other time, okay?''

''Megan would be thrilled.''

They both laughed. Then John turned to Kate, who was just silently admiring the conversation with a smile on her face.

''And who might this beautiful young lady be?''

Kate blushed ''Kate Beckett, sir nice to meet you.''

''Please, just call me John. Any friend of Richard's is a friend of mine.'' He looked between them. ''Are you two... together?''

''Um, no.'' They said simultaneously.

''Shame, you should.'' He said quickly. Both turned red and John realized he might have intruded on something he shouldn't have. He cleared his throat. ''Alright, you guys just pick any table you want, I'll get you a menu. Oh, and dessert is on the house.''

''We can't accept that John.'' Rick said, putting a hand on the man's shoulder.

''Yes, you can and you will. Oh and say hi to your mom for me, karaoke nights haven't been the same without her.''

Rick nodded. ''Will do.'' John reached over the bar and grabbed two menu's, handing them to Rick. He thanked John and put his hand on the of her back, leading her to the back of the restaurant. He tried to be subtle about it, but Kate realized immediately that he touched her and tensed up, thankfully he didn't seem to notice.

They sat down at a table that had view over the ocean, he'd had this planned all morning, hadn't he? She just didn't care. She was spending the day with a guy who actually cared about her and knew her deepest darkest secrets, but still cared about her.

''What are you going to take?'' He asked her after they'd been looking at the menu for a little while.

''The steak and fries look great.''

''Fries for two days in a row? Hm. I don't know Kate.'' He rubbed his belly. ''Can't have these muscles fattening up.''

''Of course Castle, just keep telling yourself that.''

He huffed. ''I swear! These are muscles!''

''Uhuh.'' She said, not looking up. An amused smile on her face, trying to contain her laughter.

''Just for that, I'm not sharing my chocolate cake I'm going to order as dessert.'' He stated seriously, making Kate laugh even harder.

But he did it anyway.

Xxx

They left Rick's car on the parking lot of the old restaurant and started making their way to Mark's house. Rick had insisted that it would only be a ten minute walk over the beach and so they decided to walk instead of taking the car. It was a nice evening, with the sun still high and just the right temperature.

Kate suddenly stopped walking and took of her boots. Rick gave her a funny look.

''What?''

''I don't do that- usually.'' He pointed out, looking at her feet.

Her mouth fell open. ''Why not? Isn't that the whole point of the beach, feeling the sand under your feet.''

''Well, normally I would just come here for the girls- I mean- Well you know, just for swimming. Then I would have to take them off- Not for a romantic walk on the beach- Never done that before- I just-'' _You just had to say it didn't you?_ He mentally slapped himself.

Kate swallowed but gave him an encouraging smile nonetheless. ''It's okay Rick, I'm not one to judge.''

''Nah, you are allowed to judge. I used to be like that.''

''Again, used to?''

''I'd like to think that I've changed.'' He said, carefully picking his words.

''Then I'd like to think that you did.''

He chuckled. ''That simple, huh?''

''Yes, Castle, that simple.'' She said laughing. ''Now take your shoes off.''

XXXXXXXXXX

''Kate, we can still go back you know.'' He told her, looking at the open door with regret on his face. He could be at home with her, snuggled up on his couch, watching a movie. Or so he told himself.

''Castle. Man up.'' She said before taking his hand and practically dragging him inside. He looked through the room, took it in, memorized the emergency exits and last but not least where he could find booze. Rick groaned as he realized he wasn't allowed to drink and drive. How was he going to survive?

_Oh yes, this was going to be great. _Kate still hadn't let go of his hand as she pulled him along to the table with drinks on it. She smiled at him, carefree and he automatically did the same. _Okay, maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all._

* * *

_Yes, the Hamptons scene was supposed to continue here... but I figured I could suspend it for a chapter. I promise it will be worth it!_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**: Ever heard of a band named _Artist vs Poet_? Their song Anything at all made me write this fic. Also, thank you _Anna_ for appreciating the Firefly reference in my disclaimer previous chapter! Shiny!

_Disclaimer_: 'Watershed' is rated S guys, I can't even come up with a proper disclaimer, I'm so excited for the finale.

* * *

He had been wrong.

Taking Kate to the party had probably been his best decision _ever_.

He watched her from a distance, sipping on his regular coke, trying to stay sober just in case Kate wanted to leave. She was dancing to the beat, her eyes closed, just simply enjoying the music. She was such a graceful dancer and he was having a hard time trying to look away, so at some point he just stopped trying.

She wasn't the only one dancing, the house was in fact quite huge and people were walking over each other. Literally. He just found someone passed out on the floor on his way to the bathroom, but no one seemed to care and just stepped over him. Rick recognized a few people from his own class but he hadn't seen Mark yet, which then he realized, wasn't unusual for a guy like Mark. You never knew what he was up to. Though the name _Madison_ immediately shot through his mind.

He turned his attention back to Kate. Observing her quietly from across the room.

A guy walked up behind her, his hands immediately on her waist and pulling her back against him. Kate's eyes shot open and she turned around. Rick's blood was boiling as he stood up and made his way over to Kate. However, the guy fell down before Rick had even made it there, making him narrow his eyes in question.

He watched the guy curling up on the ground and coughed.

She had kicked him in the crotch. _Good girl._

He had to refrain himself from giving her a victory high-five.

''Are you okay?'' He asked instead. She put her hand against his chest, keeping him from walking after the guy who was stumbling his way to a chair in the corner of the room.

''I'm fine, Castle. Don't worry, it has happened before.'' She said, trying to reassure him.

''Do you want to get out of here?''

''Why? I'm good right here. You don't want to know what girls have to deal with when they go to a club. It sounds sad, but you kinda get used to it.'' She closed her eyes and started moving again.

He knew he looked stupid not moving to the music, but he just couldn't keep his eyes off her. She seemed to notice and opened her eyes.

''Don't just stand there! Come on Rick, live a little.''

He laughed. ''You are telling me to live a little? _You_? Kate Beckett?''

''You got a problem with that?'' She said challenging him.

''Not at all.''

She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled at him, starting to dance again. All he could do was put his hands on her waist, slow and hesitant, afraid that she might give him the same treatment as the previous guy.

But much to his surprise, she didn't.

The music was too loud to even have a normal conversation and it didn't exactly help that it there were quite a lot people. He wanted to suggest and go outside to get some fresh air, but she seemed fine right where she was. That, and he didn't want to let go of her just yet.

Someone, Rick mentally thanked him, walked into Kate, pushing her closer against him.

She looked up at him and he gave her a sheepish smile. He had never been someone who was at loss for words, but seemed to get that effect on him every single time he looked at her. She let go off him and started dancing on her own. Rick was a little disappointed that they were not pressed together anymore, but followed her lead anyway.

The look she was giving him. He was never going to forget it.

Realizing that she was genuinely having an effect on him that might turn out as a bad thing, he cleared his throat trying to get the image of them out of his mind. _She needs a friend right now_, he told himself.

''I need some fresh air.'' He said, moving his head next to her ear. Kate could feel the heat spreading through her cheeks. Rick tried not to notice the change of color on her face. He refrained himself from reaching out and touching her cheek, telling her it was okay, he felt the same. _Where did this all come from? Dammit Castle._

She nodded. ''Alright then.'' He grabbed her hand and pulled her along through the crowd, just like she had done earlier that night for him. They walked past the guy, who unfortunately, had tried to make a move on Kate still sitting on the chair. Rick chuckled at the sight and moved in front of Kate to shield her from their _friend_.

He put his hand on the small of her back and guided her outside, she didn't even seem to notice he did it. And it made him realize how much progress they'd already made, a few weeks ago she flinched when he'd tried to touch her. It made him feel proud somehow.

They stepped outside, immediately finding their selves on the beach. Rick reached down, untied his shoes and picked them up. She seemed to hesitate, so he kneeled down in front of her and unzipped her knee-high boots, taking them off slowly. ''Okay?'' He asked. She nodded. He smiled and stood back up again, now carrying both their footwear.

''My feet hurt.'' She said, with a whiny tone.

He chuckled. ''Shouldn't have worn heels.''

''_And_ I'm cold.'' She continued, sticking her tongue out at him.

''Just how much have you been drinking?'' He asked her, suddenly feeling somewhat concerned. She stopped in her track and seemed to think back about how much poison she had poured down her throat. She gave him a sheepish smile, giving him his answer. Rick shook his head. ''Here.'' He pulled off his jacket and handed it to her. Kate put it on eagerly, wrapping herself in the, way too big, jacket.

He then kneeled down again and motioned for her to 'hop on'. She rolled her eyes, but did it anyway.

They walked along the sea for a while, well Rick walked, Kate was lifting along on his back. Suddenly he got an idea. He started running, stopped right before water and turned around to make it look like he was going to drop her. He felt her tightening her grip and she gasped.

''Shit Castle, you almost gave me a heart attack.'' He laughed. She smacked him against his chest. ''Not funny. Now put me down.''

''As you wish my lady.''

He gently put her down on the sand and sat down next to her. They stayed silent for a little while, enjoying each others company, watching the water hit the shore.

It was Kate who spoke up. ''Tell me about Richard Rodgers, who was he like?'' He gave her a funny look.

''And you do realize that he is sitting right here?'' Kate glanced at him and he shut up. ''You sure you want to know?''

''Would I be asking it if I didn't?'' ''I mean, you changed from Rodgers to Castle, there must be a personality change in there as well. Tell me about the young you.''

''Point taken.'' He cleared his throat. ''Well, like I said earlier, I was a handful. You don't want to hear the stunts I pulled when I was younger, much to my mother's dislike. She'll probably tell you all about it when you stay for diner next time.'' Kate looked at him amused. ''She had to take me back to the theater after school because, you know, some of the shows are in the evening. So even after rehearsal all day, she picked me up after school and had to entertain me...'' She could see he was reliving his memories. ''I respect her so much for what she did. Can you imagine a five-year-old boy running around in the theater '' Kate chuckled. ''I was awful. But I did help her to run lines and I was always there if they needed a double. That was when I was somewhat older though. When I was old enough to stay home alone, I did.''

''And then I became a teenager, which was probably even worse-''

''_Really_?''

''Yes, _really_.'' He said, nodding. ''Anyway, I have stories Kate-'' He thought for a second. ''Wait, those are wildly inappropriate. Maybe ask about it when I'm tipsy next time. This is not something you would want to hear.''

She chuckled. ''Can't wait to hear that one.''

''It's actually a good story, but you would probably walk away in disgust if I would tell you now... So if you do, I'd rather not remember you walking away from me.'' He said more to himself than her.

''What about your dad?'' She asked.

He looked away from her, staring at the sand instead. ''Never knew him. I am the aftermath of a one-night stand. My mom can't remember his name, or so she tells me. So there is no way I can track him down.''

''I think you've turned into to quite a gentleman, if I may say so. Even when there might not have been a father figure in your life. No matter how hard your mother tried.'' She said, laying her head on his shoulder. ''You're a great man Rick, don't forget that.''

''Your world is crumbling, but you tell me to smile. How do you do it?''

''You have to accept the past and try to move on.'' She chuckled softly and thought back to their first meeting. ''The notebook you found- It helps sometimes, to write it down, you know?''

''Oh, I know.''

''Is that why you started writing?'' He nodded.

''And what made you into the person you are today?''

''My mother was murdered, Rick.'' He swallowed, he hadn't seen that one coming. ''She was left alone, stabbed to death in a dark alley. She died _alone_.'' She took a shaky breath. ''My dad has been drowning himself in the bottle ever since it happened. I haven't seen him sober in almost a year.''

He tucked on her arm and made her look up at him. Enough emotions for just one weekend. He just wanted to take it all away from her.

Slowly, he pulled her legs over his lap, his movements confident, until he could wrap his arms around her. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, trying to control her shallow breathing.

''Kate, it's going to get better.''

''Are you sure?''

''It's me saying it, does that mean _anything_ at all?''

''Of course it does.''

''Good. Then just believe in me.''

''I'll try.'' He tightened his grip on her. ''Okay, okay, I do.''

He chuckled softly. ''That's more like it.''

''I just wish I could- Take away your pain. You don't deserve any of this.'' He said, waving a hand through his hair. ''I don't think I could pull myself through what you have had to deal with Kate.''

''Well, I have you now, don't I?''

''Yes, you do Kate, always.'' He confirmed. ''Please remember that next time you feel lonely or when you are sad... Because I will anything in my power to help you. I sound so-''

''Desperate?'' She said softly, making him laugh.

''I guess that's the word yes.'' He took a deep breath. ''I know you shut people out. I can be like that too sometimes.''

''Then don't give me a reason to.''

''I'll try.'' They both laughed.

Rick brushed away her hair from her face and she looked up at him. With one arm still wrapped around her waist, his free hand found a way to her cheek. Kate brought her arms around his neck, silently giving him permission. Tenderly he gave her a kiss on the side of her mouth, watching her reaction. Her eyes were clamped shut and the arms around his neck forced him to lean closer. Again, he leaned in, kissed her on her mouth and lingered, softly nipping on her bottom lip.

It ended way too quickly much to both their dislike, but then again, they knew better. Or at least, the one with the sober mind knew better. She opened her eyes again and for the first time since Rick had met her she was genuinely smiling.

''I think it's time we head back and get you in bed.'' She gave him a suggestive smile and Rick shook his head. ''Katherine Beckett, I never-''

She laughed and he helped her up.

xxx

''Kate, wake up we're back at campus.''

''I don't want to.'' She said, turning around in her seat, covering her face with an arm.

''You have classes in the morning young lady.'' She groaned. ''Alright, let's do this the hard way.''

He unbuckled his seat belt and stepped out of the car, making his way to Kate's side. Rick quickly opened the door and put his hands on her shoulder to keep her from falling out of the car. She didn't even seemed to notice as he helped her out of the car bridal style. He kicked the door shut and with the remote clenched between his teeth, he skilfully locked the car.

''Kate, I need your keys, so I'm going to put you down and reach in your pocket, okay?''

''Mm 'kay.'' Rick put her down slowly, her back against the wall, hoping she would stay up right long enough for him to open the door. Thankfully, she did stand up right and he quickly fished the keys out of her pocket.

He once again picked her up and began to make his way into her room. With Kate still in his arms, Rick did manage to pull down the quilt from her bed. Slowly setting her down, he backed away, making his way to the bathroom. He searched for some painkillers that might help her in the morning- He should have made her eat more. Rick mentally slapped himself. And he should have made her drink water. How could he forget! Her head was going to kill her in the morning.

He found a glass on her nightstand and walked back to the bathroom to fill it up with water. He checked his watch, it was 4 in the morning, quickly he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

When he walked back, she was fast asleep. He gently shook her awake, hoping to get through to her.

''Alright, there is a glass of water on your nightstand. There's also aspirin, just some of the stuff I found in your bathroom. You guys don't have anything stronger. Unfortunately, I don't have anything either.'' He pulled the blanket from underneath her and tucked her in, just like he'd done the day before.

''Rick.''

''Yeah?''

''Don't leave.'' She asked him, only barely awake.

''I won't.'' He leaned down and gave her a kiss on her forehead. She grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers. ''I won't.'' He repeated.

She pulled the blanket of herself and held it up.

''You sure?''

''I'm not going to ask again.'' She said sleepily. Rick kicked off his shoes and threw his jacket to the end of the bed. He then moved to lie next to her, still amazed this was actually happening. He propped himself up on his elbow, watching her fall back in sleep again.

He was only barely awake when she suddenly started moving around the bed, he opened his eyes curiously and found her moving towards him. She gripped his shirt and pulled him against her. Rick smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer if that was possible. The smell of cherries filled his nostrils and before he knew it, he was fast asleep, holding the girl of his dreams in safely his arms.

* * *

_Do you guys want shorter chapters and quicker updates or longer chapters and slower updates? Please, let me know what you think of it!_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** I present you; the longest chapter so far _and_ the quickest update I've ever posted. Yes, I listened! Thank you for answering my question last chapter, I shall try to update quicker and try to make my updates a little longer. Now for this chapter, please tell me your favorite moment of the fic so far... that way I can work in more of what you guys like. Enjoy!

_Disclaimer_: I'm just a silly teenager that daydreams a lot. If you want the real thing; go and find Andrew Marlowe.

* * *

''You are dismissed.'' Three little words that make your day a little better. Kate packed up her stuff and quickly made her way outside. People were giving her pitiful looks and she sick of it.

There is only a certain level of anonymity you are be able to gain and keep when it comes to college. Every one from your department knows at least your name. Aside from that, you're good.

Most of the time.

If people from outside of your department knew your name, you're pretty much screwed when it comes to your preference of anonymity. And then there's the problem that people like to gossip.

It was probably the party last weekend that did it. She didn't regret it though. Just thinking back about her time with Rick made her smile like never before.

Kate quickly crossed campus, hoping that Rick would still be in his dorm room. She didn't get too far before her cell phone rang. Without checking the ID she picked up and balanced the phone between her shoulder and ear.

''Kate Beckett.''

''Miss Beckett, this is Jessica McCallum from the hospital. I'm his nurse and I'm calling you to inform you that Jim Beckett is awake and asked me to call you.''

''Thank you for calling.''

''Listen- I know this is personal and I can't tell you what to do. It's something you need to work out with your dad, but the least you could do is check up with him. You're all he talks about- He even asked about rehab possibilities- And I know it's none of my business but-''

''You're right, it's _none_ of your business.'' She spat back and ended the call.

Kate groaned. She hated being confronted, but this was just an invasion of privacy.

Before she knew it she was knocking on Rick's door, a little louder than was necessary, but it was either that or slamming her fist against the wall. And she knew from experience that it wasn't the smartest option. Nor the least painful.

Instead of Rick though, Madison opened the door.

A confused look appeared on her face. ''Maddie? What are you doing here?''

''Oh nothing, Richard here just gave me- this thing I needed from Mark.'' Kate looked over to Rick who looked extremely uncomfortable. She narrowed her eyes.

''Okay, so you don't mind if I borrow him from you now then?''

''All yours.''

Kate fake smiled, her glare slowly breaking through the mask. ''As long as you know it.'' She looked back to Castle who was silently observing the conversation.

Madison smiled back and Rick could only look back and forth between the girls, hoping they wouldn't attack each other. She put a little extra sway in her hips as she said her goodbye left the room. _That little bitch._

''That was _so_ hot.''

''Suck it up Castle, I'm not doing that again.''

''Feel free to claim me any time Kate.'' He said with his, what she liked to call it, bedroom voice.

''Alright, enough with the ego.'' Rick chuckled. ''I'm done for today, I was thinking that we could you know- um do something?''

''I'd love to.'' Kate looked relieved. ''Anything on your mind? Oh sorry, where are my manners! Do you want something to drink?''

''Coke, please.''

''I'm on it.'' He made a quick hand gesture and walked towards the other side of the room, Mark's part, and opened the mini fridge he'd built into his desk.

''I probably have to go check on my dad and I hate to say this to you Castle-'' She swallowed. ''But I'd rather have you there with me.'' He handed her the drink and gave her a kind smile.

''Of course.'' It was all he said and all he needed to say.

She looked down and smiled. She had forgotten how good it felt when someone actually cared about you and actually wanted to help you. ''And maybe we could grab dinner afterwards or something? My treat.''

''I can't accept that.''

Kate looked confused. ''What? The dinner?''

''I'm not _letting_ you _pay_.''

''And why exactly can't I pay?''

''Oh you could pay, but I won't let you''

''Castle.'' She warned.

''I won't let you pay for our date.''

_Did he just say date? _Kate repeated his sentence. _He had_. Her heartbeat sped up and she had to force herself to take in a breath. She should've seen it coming. _Hell_, she wanted him to ask her. But was it the right timing? At this point she'd probably end up hurting the guy and she would never forgive herself for that.

His eyes shot open comically. ''I mean- It's not a _date-date_ kinda date, but more of a simple _date_ where two people get together share food and exchange embarrassing stories from their childhood.'' He cleared his throat and took a couple of seconds to regain his ability to speak properly. ''Unless, you want it to be a date?''

''I don't know- Uh-''

''Come on, it's not like I'm asking you to marry me.'' _Yet_, roaming through his mind. She handed him the coke back and he looked at it for a second, hoping she wouldn't reject him. What she didn't expect however was him taking a gulp from her can.

''Okay, that's yours now.'' She said, pointing at the can.

He laughed. ''Why's that? We kissed you know, lots more bacteria.'' Kate blushed and Rick gave her the most awful self-satisfied grin she'd ever seen.

''Way to make it sound romantic Castle.''

He took a step closer to her. ''I can do romantic.''

''You do?''

''Yep.'' He leaned in a little, whispering his next words. ''I can show you.''

''I'm sure you could.'' She said, walking away from him before he could close the gap. Her cheeks burning. ''Come on Rick, the visiting hours are almost over.'' She grabbed her jacket, correction his sweater from his bed and moved to the door. When she didn't feel him behind her, she turned around in the doorway.

''Is that a yes?'' He asked her, a smug smile written all over his face.

''We'll see.''

Xxx

''Hi, I'm looking for Jim Beckett. Could you please tell me which room he is currently in?'' Rick decided to step up since Kate hadn't said a word since they'd stepped into his car. She was still standing near the coffee machine, holding her warm cup of coffee with two hands.

''Yes and you are?'' The nurse asked with a kind smile.

He motioned towards Kate. ''That is Kate Beckett, his daughter. I'm her fiance '' Yep, she was going to kill him if she would ever find out about that.

The woman narrowed her eyes but started typing anyway. ''Alright, he's in room 526, second floor, down the right and then you will see it right away.''

''Thank you very much and have a nice day.'' He showed his signature smile and walked back to Kate, who was still pacing. Rick put his hand on her shoulder and she immediately tensed up. She turned around and wrapped her arms around his chest, pulling him tightly against her.

''Kate, I can't- breathe-'' He faked, trying to make her pull away. ''My god woman, you are strong.'' She chuckled against his chest and gently pushed him backwards.

''As long as you know it.'' She took a deep breath and found the thoughts, that he had been so good at driving away for a few minutes returning. ''Which room is he in?''

''Fivehunderd and twenty-six, just grab my hand. I promise I won't let us get lost in the long white depressing corridors of the hospital.''

''You better not.'' She said, grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers.

The room was, much to Rick's relief, easy to find. He gave her hand a squeeze and let go, motioning for her to enter the room. She kept looking at him as if she wanted to say something and Rick just couldn't help it but give in.

''Do you want to go in alone?'' She shook her head. ''So you want me to come with you?'' She shook her head again. He opened his mouth a few times before speaking. ''Okay. Now I'm confused.'' He admitted.

''I was kidding Castle.'' She said, laughing softly. ''Yes, I want you to come in with me.''

''This was not how I was hoping to meet your dad.''

''I know, me neither.'' She _had_ thought about them. Rick felt his heart swell in his chest.

She opened the door hesitantly, still not entirely sure if this was the best thing to do. Even though he was her father, she had never felt this estranged from anyone before in her life. She took a deep breath and stepped inside the room confidently. Or so she let on.

Jim Beckett was propped up against his pillow, staring through the window. The second the door opened however, his head swung back towards them. He looked relieved that she finally came, a tired smile on his face, however it soon disappeared as he found Castle walking in behind her. Most of all, he looked pale and worn-out, not to mention that he looked years older even though she'd seen him last week.

''Katie, you came.'' Kate stiffened. ''I didn't think you would. I don't blame you.''

She looked uncomfortable, she _felt_ uncomfortable, he mainly knew that because she was squeezing his hand so hard that he had to bite his cheek to keep himself from hissing in pain.

''I- I'm sorry.'' Jim took a shaky breath. ''I'm so sorry honey. Please, please forgive me.''

''It's not that easy.''

''I'm going to quite drinking. I'll go to AA meetings, get a sponsor and-''

She huffed. ''You sure?''

''Yes, I'm sure.''

''Okay, just checking because that's what you said the last _three_ times.'' Kate spat at him.

Rick slowly pulled her back. ''Kate, relax.'' He whispered loud enough for her to hear.

She straightened out her breathing and closed her eyes briefly.

Jim spoke up. ''What do you want me to do then?'' She let go off Rick's hand.

''I'd rather have you to check into rehab, that way I can be sure that you won't touch a bottle.'' Kate took a deep breath and sat down on the chair next to the bed.

''If that's what you want, than that's what I'll do.'' He said honestly and he grabbed her hand. She gave in and stood up to give her dad a quick hug. There were still issues, but they were do to be dealt with some other time. They both agreed on that.

Jim seized Rick up. ''So whose this young fellow?''

''Richard Castle, sir. Pleasure to meet you, would have loved for it to have been under different circumstances though.''

Jim chuckled. ''We can't have it all.''

They chatted for a little while and Rick took a seat in a chair next to Kate. After a while he stood up again, feeling like he was intruding on a father daughter moment.

''Alright, I need to go to the ladiesroom, please don't kill each other while I'm out.'' Both Rick and Jim chuckled and waited for her to leave the room. Rick decided to take a step back and wait for Jim to start asking his question. He knew he had them. He had some of them himself too.

''So Rick, what's on your mind. You immediately tensed up when she left the room.'' Rick looked away from Jim. ''I know this really isn't the ideal meeting place or time, but let's just be honest with each other, shall we? It's the least we can do.''

''Do you have any idea what you put her through?''

''She wasn't the only one suffering from her mom being murdered, you know. That was the love of my life. We all have our ways to cope.'' Rick felt sorry for the guy, he really did, but he couldn't shake of the feeling that he dealt with his feelings the wrong way.

''What she needed was her _dad_. Instead she gave up everything and tried to make it through another day, just so she could get back every weekend to her old home and clean up _your_ mess.''

Jim shook his head. ''You have no idea, kid.''

''She doesn't deserve this. And neither do you. So please just for the sake of both of you, sort this out. Go to rehab, stop the drinking, she just want her father back. She needs you.''

''She's not believing me so far, is she?''

''Not really no.'' He said honestly. ''She is waiting for you to break your promise again and I hope sir, that you won't, because that girl is the best damn thing that has ever happened to me and I hate seeing her get hurt.''

Jim nodded. ''Look after her, will you?''

''I will sir.''

''Please, call me Jim. You're making me feel old.''

''I will, Jim.'' He shook hands with the man and gave him a half-smile.

''So where did you guys meet?''

''Actually, I found her notebook under my chair during a lecture. And she found me looking through it- I'm pretty sure she hated me at the time.''

''Well, son, I don't think she hates you anymore.'' Rick didn't know how to take it. ''You might have to look in the other direction. There's a fine line between love and hate, you know? Johanna, my wife- Oh God, she _hated_ me when we first met, refused to spent any time with me- And it just made me try harder. She gave in eventually took me a year.'' Jim blinked fast a couple of times. ''God she hated me so much in the beginning.''

Rick chuckled. ''Then Katie came along and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. So you better watch out. Because if you hurt her I will haunt you down.''

''I have no doubt you will, Jim. And you have every right to when that happens. Though I will do my best to keep that from happening. I promise and when I promise something, it will happen.''

Kate opened the door again and comically stuck her head around the corner. ''Rick, you ready to go?'' He nodded. ''Bye dad, I'll call you.''

Rick turned towards Jim again. ''She just needs some time.'' Jim smiled and nodded.

''You're good for her.'' Jim said, sighing. ''It was nice to meet you Rick.'' He extended his hand again and waited for Rick to shake it. He accepted it and stood up.

''Same Jim.''

Kate waited outside of the room for Rick to come out, the second he did, she threw her arms around his waist and he immediately wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He smiled and gestured for her to walk, neither of them letting go.

''So what did you guys talk about while I was away?'' Rick gave her a sheepish look. ''Of course, you had to talk about me.''

''Well yeah, I don't think discussing sports would have really helped the situation. Besides you are so much more fun to talk about.''

''I'm not.''

''Yes, you are.'' He said stubbornly. ''Now about that date-''

''Yes, Rick I'll be happy to go with you.''

''Really?'' He said astonished, an exciting look on his face.

''You silly man.''

He pouted. ''I'm not silly!''

''Just keep telling yourself that Castle.'' _And back to Castle_. He had to keep himself from smirking.

xxx

He opened to door to the apartment and guided Kate inside. After they'd left the hospital, Rick had quickly texted his mother, saying that he and Kate would be using the apartment for the evening. His mother, of course, made it awkward by asking if she should stay away for the night. He told her that wouldn't be necessary but thanked her for her thoughtfulness anyway. She even asked him if she had to pick up some groceries for them and that's when he came with the idea.

''I wanted to take you to that Italian restaurant down town, but then I realized there was only one thing that could make this first date even better.'' He explained.

''Take out Chinese?'' Kate said, pointing towards the table which was filled with take out boxes from the Chinese restaurant down the street.

''No! But that would have been an acceptable idea too.'' He agreed, filing it somewhere for the next time. He then got the most exciting look on his face as he revealed his dinner plan. ''Pancakes.''

Kate laughed. ''I thought pancakes were a way of saying 'thank you for last night'.''

''They are- but I'm just _really_ feeling like eating pancakes.''

She sighed. ''Man. So egotistical.''

''Yes, I want you _all_ to myself.'' She blushed. ''Now, just have a seat, I'll go make some pancakes.''

''Can I help you?''

''No. And don't even think about it either. Just stay here and relax, make yourself at home.'' Kate walked towards the coffee table and started cleaning up the take out cartons. Rick noticed while taking out the ingredients and quickly walked over to Kate. ''What did I just tell you?''

''But-''

''No, I told you to sit and _relax_. That does not go under the definition of relax.''

''You know I can't sit still for that long Rick.'' He gave her a fake stern look. ''Alright.'' She sighed.

It only lasted for about three minutes though, she was getting curious and decided to take a look around the house. She stood up and made her way through the hallway, walking into Rick's bedroom. Even though she'd been there twice, she'd never really gotten the chance to sneak around.

She checked behind her, to see if Rick had decided to walk after her, but he hadn't, so she opened the drawer on his nightstand. Much to her surprise it was empty, that was until she pulled it back further and found- _Oh yes, that's perfect_.

''Hey, where were you-'' Kate walked into the kitchen wearing his old Batman t-shirt. ''Okay, now that is just too hot.'' She was trying to kill him. He cleared his throat and gripped the counter tightly. ''I- um- pancakes. Ready. Here.'' She turned away from him and walked towards the dinner table.

_Baseball, fifty times eighteen... mother._ He opened his eyes and looked at her but immediately looked away again. _Baseball. Baseball. Baseball._ That did it. _Close call. _She was only wearing his shirt and he was fully aroused. _Oh boy._

Kate laughed at his pained expression and took in the room, letting him stand in the kitchen. He'd dimmed the lights and lit some candles all over the room, he'd even gone through the trouble of setting up the dinner table. How long had she been in his room? Couldn't have been that long. _Ah well_. She put the thought away and set down on the chair he had pulled out for her.

He sat down on the opposite of her and started a rant about all the toppings he'd pulled out for them. He seemed especially excited about the Nutella, but Kate had declined and gone with cherry jam instead.

He'd whispered something in the trance of _your loss_ and started to smear a generous amount of Nutella onto his pancake. Kate looked at him with disgust.

''Really Castle? That much?''

''Kate, let me explain this to you. There can _never_ be too much Nutella on a pancake. You are so missing out here.'' She shook her head at him. ''Oh right, I forgot something.'' He walked to the kitchen and came back with two glasses and a bottle of red wine.

''Wine and pancakes? Classy diner if I may say so.''

He stuck out his tongue. ''Shut up and eat.'' She gasped. ''I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that!''

Kate laughed. A full-on laughter fit.

She couldn't remember the last time she felt like that. He joined in on the laughter too at some point, realizing she was kidding. Even though he knew her for some time now, it was still hard to tell when she was using her poker face. They would have to play poker at some point. Just so he could try her out. Or strip poker. Either way was fine with him.

He took another bite from his pancake...

And the nutella dripped out of the folded pancake all over his shirt.

Kate nearly choked on her wine as she saw the look on his face and found _why_ he was pouting on his shirt. There was even nutella dripping off his chin, it must have become fluid because the pancake was still hot. They started laughing and Kate had to wipe away some tears at some point.

She shook her head and stood up making her way to the kitchen. She grabbed a napkin and walked back to Rick who was still sitting at the dinner table.

Kate motioned for him to move his chair back. ''Alright, ya big baby.''

''I thought we'd settled on child!''

He looked up at her with big eyes as she sat down on his lap, the napkin ready in her right hand. She held his chin with her left hand and started cleaning his face. He didn't once look away from her eyes. Kate bit her lip as she saw the way he was looking at her. She threw the dirty napkin behind her, not caring where it landed.

She had missed a spot. Kate chuckled softly and brushed her thumb over his mouth to remove the remaining delicacy. He kissed her fingers lightly and she blushed, not even realizing how intimate the gesture had been to him. He had moved his hands down to her waist, lightly resting them there.

''You were right, I should've gone with nutella.'' She said just before she took his bottom lip between her teeth and bit gently.


End file.
